Burnt out, lost … losing yourself…missing that spark you once had. There will be a time, a season if you will, while raising your young family (or just trying to figure out how to be an adult) where you will feel lost. That could be lost in a sense of not knowing what you’re doing (but honestly who really does) or lost in your identity. Maybe even feeling lost in life in general. You may stop to look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you. The messy bun. The sweatpants. The dark circles under the eyes and that missing spark. A stranger. Or maybe I’m wrong and this hasn’t or isn’t your experience…but this was mine.
I’m not saying I was unhappy. In fact, I am in love with the life I have built and with the man I have built it with. I’m saying sometimes it can feel like you are lost and can’t find your way back. (Or out?) … wherever back is.
Life likes to throw us curve balls. It likes to grab us by the hand and drag us onto the biggest roller coasters. And I will be the first to say I don’t play baseball and I hate roller coasters. But sometimes it just takes time to get used to riding those waves or learning to hit the ball. Life requires you to go with the flow or drown fighting it. It makes you shed your skin and adapt to your surroundings. It makes you get comfortable with the uncomfortable because baby this is life and it’s going to push you to grow.
I am 7 years into this parenting journey and it’s ever evolving. You have one kid and think you finally have this parenting thing figured out. Then you decide to have a second. You then, naively think that the things that worked for your first born will work for your second born. [Insert curve ball] They have completely different personalities. So, you are then hit square in the face with that curve ball and knocked right back down to reality. One second you think you know what you’re doing and the next… well there’s that drop in the roller coaster. It’s a constant battle of imposter syndrome, guilt and having to evolve and grow along with your kids. Now with the ups and downs of the roller coaster and the curve balls you’re trying to hit out of the park you’re also trying to keep your spark… talk about a challenge.
I may be alone in this statement…however I am, and was, okay with totally losing myself, my identity and personal space when raising newborns and toddlers. They require all of you. And that’s not to say they don’t as they get older, but we aren’t raising codependent children here. We are raising them to be self-sufficient and as they get older and become school aged there is more space and independence for everyone. They spend more time with friends, they play more independently, and they don’t need help in the bathroom or getting a snack… these are just a few of the huge mental and physical loads you bare 24/7, 365.
Now that my boys are getting older, our youngest starts school in September, they don’t need me AS much. It has allowed for me to find that spark. That passion in the things I loved before motherhood. The things I forgot about. I wrote a previous post ‘lost in motherhood’ where I go on to say how sometimes it feels like you’re drowning in motherhood but when you come up for a breath you find a better new version of yourself. I started to ‘find myself’ after I went back to work when my youngest was 2. But that was just the beginning.
I believe everything has divine timing. Everything happens for a reason. The universe aligns things to happen in sequence. I went back to work at the right time, in a marketing position that I have always wanted. This leads me back to my passion for reading. The two of these combined helped spark my creativity again for blogging. Now let’s combine these. Work – marketing | Passion – reading | Creativity – blogging.
Blogging was something I started 7 years ago when I was on maternity leave. It has been something I dabble in on and off over the years when creativity – and something to say- hits me. But it has always been something that I want to do ‘more’ with but never have. And I think it’s due time I combine the things that helped me find myself in motherhood into one place.
Reading has been a part of my life one way or another for as long as I can remember. My mom has always been a big book worm and reads every single day. Her love for reading and all things fantasy, supernatural, and sci-fi left a mark on me. I grew up cuddling up on the couch with my mom watching Charmed, Supernatural and SG-1. I grew up watching my mom read every single Stephen King book ever published. So obviously as I got older, I started reading fantasy books as well. This was a passion (or an obsession) of mine all the way till I went to college. This is where life got busy, and reading got forgotten.
On my journey to find myself outside motherhood, I have found what my spark & passions are. And with that You, Me and a Journey is now going to have a section for not only all things motherhood but also have a Book Corner where like-minded bookworm mommas will have a place to share and connect. I will be posting recommendations, reviews, tips, tricks, and links.
I hope you continue this journey with me and stick around to read, grow, and survive this crazy journey of motherhood together. Maybe I can help you find your spark along the way.
