Bonding with Baby.

My Story about bonding with my son.

I didn’t think it would be hard… I didn’t think I would have to THINK about it… I thought when you have a baby that you automatically have a bond with them and I guess you do in a way but not the way I was expecting.

My husband and I found out we were expecting while we were planning our wedding, not the most conventional way but we rolled with it. We were planning on having kids quickly anyway. So we decided to move the wedding up, like a year and a half up. The wedding was planned in 7 weeks ( it was hard and stressful but turned out like a fairy tale!).

So once the wedding was over I was around 16 weeks pregnant and it was time to focus on the pregnancy. I was doing everything I was supposed to do. I was eating right and going to the doctors regularly for check-ups but I realized that I didn’t feel connected to the baby… I knew I loved it and I was excited but I didn’t feel like the baby was mine. I thought that once I found out the gender of the baby that I would be able to visualize him more and feel connected to this life I was growing. Then I thought once I feel him move THEN I’ll feel like we are connected, like he’s mine like we are mother and son. But that never came. This feeling of not bonding with the baby I was growing never took away from the love that kept growing.

I started to wonder why I didn’t feel bonded to the baby. Did it mean I wasn’t going to be a good mom? I read that singing or reading to the baby would help you bond and feel connected, but every time I did that I felt weird or silly. I heard that can happen and once the baby is born that all goes away.

The excitement and love for our unborn son grew. We went shopping for his nursery furniture and spent an entire weekend putting together the Ikea furniture (amazingly without any fighting, just me telling my husband he was doing it wrong when he was, in fact, doing it right). My husband painted the nursery for me while I was at work to surprise me because he knew I had to have the nursery ready ASAP. We did everything to prepare for this new life we were soon welcoming.

Looking back I had a hard time grasping that we were becoming parents. I understood that we had a life to care for, that we had to raise and bring up this child to be the best he could be but I don’t think that became clear to me until the moment he was placed on my chest and my heart exploded with unimaginable love. That moment changed everything! He was OURS. I finally felt connected to him and would do anything and everything I could for him. My new life purpose was to keep him safe and raise him the best I could.

But then when the hormones started to level off and I was home alone with my beautiful baby boy I started to feel like he didn’t love me back… that I was just a food source to him. It didn’t help that he looks identical to my husband and everyone who gets a look at him would agree. So there I was again feeling not bonded and not connected to my son. He looked like my husband in every way… not a trace of me in him. Like he didn’t even have a part of me. ( which is so not fair since I carried him for 9 months and did all the work to bring him into this world ) I felt like he would only make eye contact with my husband. My husband was the only one who could make him smile or laugh. I started to feel rejected by this tiny human who I would do anything for.

I didn’t have a problem knowing his needs… I always knew what he wanted or needed. We were connected that way. I just didn’t feel like we had a relationship. I felt like the dorky girl desperate for the popular guy’s attention in high school.

But then as he got a bit bigger and was a few months old. It became easier for me to sing to him or tell him what we were doing and not feel silly about it. I was finally able to make him laugh and smile. He would actually make eye contact with me. And it only got easier.

I remember the first time he was upset and started saying mama, it melted my heart! It gave me that reassurance that he does need and want me. That I’m more than just a food source. Slowly he would want me more and more. When people would hold him he would reach out to me. It became clear that he was a momma’s boy. Once he started crawling and would crawl over to me and sit in my lap it was so exciting to see he wanted to be with me, he wanted to cuddle.

I know that the way I was feeling was unrealistic and that my son, of course, loved me and wanted me but as a new mom you overthink everything. I am happy to report that my son is a HUGE momma’s boy especially when he’s tired. And I’m OK with that!

Ways I bond with baby in the womb.

• Sing nursery rhymes.
• Read stories.
• Talk to him.
• Have a bath and focus on him moving.
• When he kicks poke him back like a game.

Ways I bonded with baby after birth.

• Skin to skin.
• Give the baby a massage.
• Sing to him.
• Read to him.
• Cuddle
• Hold him while he sleeps.
• Tell him what you’re doing.
• Nursing ( If you can )
• Feeding him.
• Playing games.

This is my story about how I bonded with my son. I’d love to read about how you bonded with your baby. Baby bonding doesn’t always come as natural so I want to know how you did it! Leave a comment and let me know 🙂